Testimony of false guru Sri Chinmoy's ex-disciple (Artur Smith)


"And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.”- Jesus Christ

My feelings after being dismissed from the Sri Chinmoy Center.

This is an effort to know the truth.

I was in the the Sri Chinmoy Center for 23 years, before being summarily dismissed by Sri Chinmoy's messenger, one Saturday morning over the phone: "Guru says you have to leave the Path, for having extended conversations with a hostile ex-disciples.”

A few days before, I had retold—to the best of my memory—what a woman disciple had related to me, regarding her sporadic, decade-long sexual relations with our spiritual master, Sri Chinmoy.

I had related her story, in total confidence, to a disciple whom I considered to be a close friend. Little did I know that my so-called"friend"Would betray me—going straight to the master to ask if it was true. Duh! But then again, that is a testament to the way he has conditioned his disciples.

Before I even told my"friend," he somehow guessed the names of almost all the women involved, and said that he thought Sri Chinmoy and Alo Devi—the Canadian woman whom sits alongside Sri Chinmoy at functions, (when she is not jet-setting around the globe, on the contributions of disciples)—were like husband and wife, when they first came to the New York, and that he knew for a fact that a certain, Californian ex-disciple woman had received $10,000 from Sri Chinmoy.

Since he seemed to be skeptical ,and always disseminating and searching for"behind-the-scenes"gossip on Sri Chinmoy's path, I related to him what I had heard first hand from a woman who claimed to have been sexually involved with Sri Chinmoy, sporadically for almost a decade, and who seemed very, calm and sincere; not someone who would be considered"hostile"or bitter in anyway.

Before telling him, I said that I had not come to a conclusion yet, whether I entirely believed it, because I feel one should not come to a conclusion without direct experience. I was using my own intuition about the woman's sincerity, which seemed very convincing to me. But since I was promptly expelled from the Sri Chinmoy Center for retelling this information, and also because this isn't the only"ex-disciple"Woman who has been making these accusations, I now assume that it must be true, which I relayed to Sri Chinmoy, when I was given the message to pack my bags.

Listening to the woman relate her story, she said that it was definitely not her intention to expose"Guru," or bring him down (no pun intended) , only she just wanted to relate her experience to those who wanted to know the truth, which apparently is cleverly hidden from the majority of his disciples—so she could move on with her life.

She also told me that Guru had a girl disciple contact her twice, after she had left—first, to beg her to come back, and second, to ask if she needed any kind of assistance, because he had heard she was moving to another apartment. She told me that she had refused both times, and told Guru she just wanted to get on with her life without his help. This woman whom Guru was offering to help, was the same"hostile ex-disciple"I was thrown out of the Center for having a phone conversation with. Rather contradictory, I thought. But then, contradiction and double standards seem to be the order of the day in the Sri Chinmoy Center.

What I felt was very heartless and psychologically hostile, was being dismissed over the phone, not by Guru personally, but through his messenger—after leaving my government job, and native country at his request, and building my life around his teachings and philosophy for the past 23 years. Although, the manner in which I was rusticated seemed to further confirm that what I heard was true. What better way to silence me, than to kick me out and label me"negative"or"hostile," and threaten the same fate for any disciple who dares speak to me? However, now I'm sincerely glad that I'm free, if all it was, was dependence, fear, and deception.

"Truth to tell," to suspiciously quote my ex-guru, I sensed that there was something very wrong, many years ago—although on Sri Chinmoy's path, one is conditioned not to listen to their rational mind, but just to accept everything he says as God's will.

The first time I received a warning from him, was after attending his meditations in Australia for two years, and spending a large amount of money to open a"divine enterprise"to"manifest"him, as well as running a few marathons, also to"manifest"him, before ever seeing him in the flesh. Which demonstrates the kind of blind faith that I had in him—if only I had used more discrimination back then! But I suppose it was all meant to be, and certainly I have no regrets.

I had complained with a friend, about our authority-reveling, power-loving, control-obsessed Center Leader, who was always trying to lord it over us, in the name of"Guru.”We complained, saying we found her unreasonable, that she was making it difficult for us to aspire and grow spiritually—and that was putting it politely! The message we got from our compassionate, loving master was"If you criticize her again, you'll be out.”Whoops, sorry, I guess we'll just shut up and eat crow?

I felt at the time, that he was just testing our faith, but later I realized that I was in denial and just finding excuses for a seeming lack of oneness, love and compassion on his part.

It wasn't until many years later—after he was forced to kick her out for a few months, for slapping, or punching another disciple—that he may have realized our complaints weren't totally unreasonable or unfounded. That was the first time something was trying to tell me, that my guru might not be what or who I supposed him to be. But I refused to listen, instead blaming it on my own lack of patience.

I came to New York once in 1981, once in 1982, and again in 1983 for his April Celebrations, to celebrate his coming to America.

I admit, I enjoyed my early years in the Center, because back then, there was not as much emphasis on collecting money from disciples, or desperately trying to promote him to the media, or naming streets, parks, buildings, national landmarks, airports, or countries after him, in the name of peace.

I also enjoyed running—which plays a large role on his path—for about eight years, until I seriously, physically burnt out from over-racing, due to the pressure of his"too much is never enough"self-transcendence philosophy. Even to this day I still suffer from physical problems, for which I need surgery, incurred as a result of that fanatical overexertion, I was psychologically pressured to participate in, because of my running ability.

Even though he is quoted as saying: "our only real competition is ourselves"It seemed obvious that he reveled in the"outer"competition, such as beating certain girls in races, and initiating competitions in everything from singing, to plays, to memorizing his poetry. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with friendly competition per se—but I started to see small contradictions—contradictions that would grow as the years passed.

When I came in April 1983, for the April Celebrations (his anniversary of coming to the US), he encouraged me to run in various ultra events. After doing well in a lot of races, and winning along with my disciple team-mates-the TAC National 50 Mile Team Championship—he told me not to worry about my government job, back in Australia, but to stay"because your soul wants to be in New York.”

He gave me a job at the"divine enterprise"disciple barber shop, where I was taught to cut hair. The guy there before me had gone crazy and I was replacing him. No wonder he went crazy—I had to put up with the constant, ridiculous noises of three video arcade machines, plus foul-mouthed high school kids, who played hooky every day to hang out in the barber shop.

After a year or more of putting up with this, I complained, and Sri Chinmoy, made him get rid of two of the video games. I had also complained about the $85—6 day per week, salary, and was told I could go down to five days per week, but I had to sell Sri Chinmoy's books to city bookstores on the sixth day.

At first I was so grateful, not to have to work the six day week, for the low salary. So I sold books for about six months, which I really disliked because I am not the salesman type. Then I just stopped, although I felt I was still entitled to $85 for five days per week, plus the free breakfasts and lunch at the disciple luncheonette, but I remember feeling very guilty at first.

One day I was complaining to a fellow disciple as I was cutting his hair, saying that I might return to Australia because I wasn't really into being a barber, but seeing as though Guru had told me my soul wanted to be in NY, and he had chosen the barber job for me—I felt very confused and fearful, about going against my own soul. (He has often warned of severe karmic consequences for those going against their soul's wishes e.g. cancer, blindness etc.)

Anyway, a few days later, I received another message from Sri Chinmoy: "Guru says you're illegal here, and he is giving you shelter, and you should be grateful, and if you ever go back to Australia without asking his permission, you will be put out of the Center.”

I was shocked.. But again, because I believed that he was God's mouthpiece, I thought that I was in the wrong. I realized I had to be careful not to express my own frankness and honesty, and I felt that I couldn't trust anyone.

I was always bewildered why a God-realized master needed his disciples to inform on their brother or sister disciples. I thought such a master would have the spiritual insight to know about his own disciples—whose physical faces, he says, appear in front of him, every time they meditate on his transcendental picture.

His answer to that was that God does not allow him to open his third eye for trivial matters. But if they are so trivial—why does he instruct his own disciples to spy on each other? This kind of spying and reporting on each other is no different than a totalitarian dictatorship, or communist regime—i.e. control over others using fear, which is totally opposed to the basic human rights of freedom and democracy that America, and the free world represent. It also creates separation, division and fear—not love, trust, or oneness. Such a practice cannot stem from love.

But Sri Chinmoy has an answer for everything—saying that if a patient is sick, then it is each disciple's duty to bring the patient, to the attention of the doctor, who will administer the necessary medicine. If a doctor can't recognize a sick person who is right in front of him, I don't think I would have much confidence in the skill of the doctor. And besides, Sri Chinmoy's medicine is usually throwing that disciple out of the Center-like he did with me and many others, who were brave enough to question his methods, or knew too much of his other side. Is being without a guru the right spiritual medicine? (Twenty years later, I'm finding out that it is!) How can you have love and oneness when everyone is secretly looking over their shoulders to see what their brothers or sisters are doing wrong? This is not love or oneness—it breeds the same kind of suppression and fear that existed in pre-Perestroika USSR, and Eastern Europe.

Ironically enough, Sri Chinmoy's long-sought-after friend—Mikhail Gorbachev, to whom he has given countless dollars of his disciple's money—stood for the very opposite of the kind of control and suppression that exists in the Sri Chinmoy Center.

Individualism and self-expression is something which is not encouraged in the Sri Chinmoy Center. On the contrary—conformity, and unquestioning obedience is the order of the day.

Anyway, I continued to work at the barber shop for two more years, before I complained to the owner once again, about my low wage. He took my complaint to Sri Chinmoy, and a few days later my boss told me: "Guru is replacing you, you have to leave. Someone else will be taking your place.”So I asked my boss if Guru had anything else in mind for me, since I had three years ago, given up my secure, government job in Australia to heed his request and move to New York to work as a barber—but he told me Guru had not said anything regarding that.

Because, at that stage I had grown accustomed to life in New York, I did not want to return to Australia, plus the fact that I had more friends in NY than I did in Australia. So I stayed and worked at odd jobs, doing construction here and there, just to get by.

Another time, a disciple was encouraging me to write expressions for Sri Chinmoy's poetry.”Guru needs 200 expressions per week. You're a writer, you should write expressions.”I told him that I didn't understand why a self-realized master needed his disciples to help him write poetry, as poetry to me, was a very personal expression. The next day I received another warning: "If you criticize Guru again, he'll send you back to Australia.”Whoops, sorry I asked another question that couldn't be answered.

But I have to be fair—Sri Chinmoy's philosophy on the path to God- realization does have many valid and lofty ideals. But then again—can a path—in the form of an organization, with rules etc., created by another, really lead one to their own highest self? Because a path, implies time and distance—physical concepts, that are surely outside the realm of the Self.

Meditation, I feel is essential. But meditation on a photograph or a person, seems to only breed dependence and attachment to something external. To realize one's inner Self, must one depend on something or someone outside oneself? I don't want to be dependent on another for my own spiritual experiences, unless that someone is God, Itself.

I admit meditating with him, brought peace and light, but for me it was no more helpful, then watching a good pianist perform.

It's all well and good to receive inspiration, but in the end, it is I who need to practice alone at home—silently in meditation. And because learning to play piano is very much a mental, technical, and external pursuit, a teacher is very helpful, but self-discovery, on the other hand, is surely something entirely different, as the name implies—an inner pursuit, a discovery of the self by the self. How can another help—except of course the Creator of the self? And that's what makes it different from all other pursuits, where one seeks the help of a coach or teacher. Can a spiritual teacher ever claim"I taught them how to realize God"?

Self-transcendence was one aspect, that I embraced for many years, in the form of running marathons, until I became burned-out from the serious consequences of over-exertion, which I still suffer from until this day. An emphasis on the integration of body and spirit were first taught at the Sri Aurobindo Ashram where Sri Chinmoy lived for twenty years, and were not his original idea. Even his annual sports day, circus and parade , I was told, were part of life at that ashram.

Sri Chinmoy's philosophy of love, devotion and surrender, (together with the"manifestation"of him, as a direct representative of God on earth, and the transformation of humanity at God's choice hour) is partially drawn from his own Hindu religion's teaching from the Bhagavad Gita, except, unlike the Gita, where Krishna encourages Arjuna's doubtful questioning—Sri Chinmoy commands unquestionable obedience, and compliance.

In fact, displaying doubt or questioning Sri Chinmoy's motives is not tolerated, and will quickly get you kicked off his path—even though there would not have been a Bhagavad Gita, were it not for Arjuna's doubt and questioning of his guru's motives, who wanted him to fight and kill his own kin.

Another aspect of Sri Chinmoy's path that never made a lot of sense, even in the spirit of self-transcendence, was his fixation on quantity, and not on quality. Anybody whoever was, or still is a disciple knows that he is obsessed with numbers. By the way, isn't this a mental concept?

Much of his outer path consists of an emphasis on numbers:

He is fanatically concerned with details of the temporal, outer world. How many disciples have been recruited? How many bird drawings he has done? How many poems? How many paintings? How many books he has compiled (many are four lines to a page)? How many years in the West? How many one-arm lifts? How many push-ups? How long is his stride length? How much do his biceps measure? How many years has one been a disciple to compete in sports day, come to celebrations, go on a Christmas trip etc. etc.? How many Sri Chinmoy Peace Blossom Nations are there?

When is the anniversary of his weightlifting, playing the flute, playing the cello, playing the esraj, playing the piano etc. etc. (all of which technically he is little better than a beginner)?”Love offerings" (cash donations) are sometimes asked for in numerical quantities, pertaining to"divine numbers"such as, $7, $13, $27, $47, $70, $77, and more, or multiples thereof. Every time there is a meeting, there are several requests to give money, or buy a book of aphorisms—usually four lines to a page, fifty pages for $10. (I shudder thinking about the disappearing rainforests, but caring for our environment is something that Sri Chinmoy has never encouraged) For a path that is supposedly"In the heart"And discourages, suppresses and even discards the mind, there sure is a lot of number-counting going on, particularly if it is collecting and counting cash.

Anyway, you get the picture. Is it really unreasonable to question, that which constantly seem like contradictions? Vivekananda questioned his guru, Sri Ramakrishna, and even told him he thought he was a crazy person, and didn't believe that he was God-realized. Arjuna questioned Lord Krishna, before the battle of Kurukshetra, because he did not understand how any good could come from killing his own relatives. And Sri Chinmoy, has supposedly said that he was Arjuna in a previous incarnation!

But what is shaping up to be the biggest contradiction of all, are the stories coming from Sri chinmoy's former female disciples who say they were involved with him sexually.

Aside from associating with"ex-disciples"or questioning the master, the most common grounds for instant dismissal is anything pertaining to a"lower vital"Attraction between the sexes. Many years ago I had heard rumors floating around that Sri Chinmoy and Alo Devi, had initially been lovers, but I dismissed these as the wild imaginings of people who were suppressing their sexuality, and also perhaps because of my conditioning, even though I could not help but notice an extremely familial relationship between the pair.

It wasn't until September 2001, that I was told of the secret sexual occurrences that allegedly went on between master and disciples in the basement and private bedrooms of Sri Chinmoy's house in suburban Jamaica ,Queens, and in the hotel rooms, during the three months long"Christmas Trips," in exotic locations throughout the world.

Supposedly back in 1968, Guru had told," S"his secretary—who lived opposite him on his street—that Lord Krishna had appeared to him and wanted him to have gopi's (Krishna's milkmaids whom he reportedly made love with) just like he had. She, and another woman (his other secretary—although he never told them about each other) were specially divinely chosen, and they were never to tell anyone.

Anyway"S"eventually told her disciple-friend," A"About her divine relationship, but then felt sorry for disobeying him, so she told Guru, who soon after dismissed"A"from the Center. While her friend was away, the non-disciple husband of"S"Was informed by a close neighbor of Sri Chinmoy, that his wife," S"Was frequenting Sri Chinmoy's house alone, very late at night, every time he went away on business trips. The husband was furious, and apparently threw rocks at Guru's house, smashing windows, and soon after moved out of the neighborhood, taking his wife.

As"A"had not told her secret to anyone, during the nine months she was out, and because she had written many devoted letters to Guru asking to return, she was allowed back. Afraid to be kicked out again," A"decided to keep quiet, and turned a blind eye to the tell-tale signs of what she suspected was a sexual liaison between the other secretary and the master—one time even finding a pair of the master's white underpants, stuffed in the secretary's desk drawer!

“A"told me that she put this out of her mind—in a form of unconscious denial—for many years until 1991, when quite by accident she asked a girlfriend"P", how she enjoyed her time with Guru in San Francisco, who interestingly enough, had paid for her travel and accommodation to attend his peace concert. By the way she phrased the question, her friend," P", thought she was also—or had been,—a member of the secret gopi club—so she told her all about her first sexual experience with her guru—only to discover they both had their wires crossed!

Although"A"Was not that shocked, only a little surprised to find that the master's secret gopi's had actually grown in numbers over the years. Anyway, a few years later"A"married and left with a male disciple.

In September, 2001," P"left the Center, and recently told me about Sri Chinmoy's secret sex club, which by all accounts includes him with multiple women, lesbianism, and as she and others suspect, possibly homosexuality!

It was for alerting a fellow disciple about these practices that I was dismissed from the Sri Chinmoy Center, so coldly over the phone.

I understand how it is extremely difficult to believe that Sri Chinmoy secretly practices the same kind of"lower vital"behavior which he vehemently opposes for his disciples. He is always espousing purity, and transcendence of sex, as absolutely essential, if one is to be on his path. He has said that purity must first be established in the being before any other spiritual quality or high experience can take place. And he has spent hours on stage singing devotional songs, his expression enveloped in a beatific smile, his eyes emanating light and purity.

Even now, in spite of the many stories of his secret sexual actives, I have a difficult time believing that it is true. But also he has apparently told these women, that when it's with him it is not human sex, that he is giving them his life breath, which is pure. I'm even OK with that, but why keep it a secret from the majority of his disciples? It only creates division, doubt, and many other psychological problems. For me, it's the deception—not so much the sex, that is so harmful.

Aside from Sri Chinmoy's alleged sexual exploits, there were also some other allegations of sexual molestation involving disciple children. A younger friend of mine, (who is the son of a current disciple), who grew up in the Sri Chinmoy Center from the age of seven, one day confided in me that, as a child he was sexually molested by an an adult, male disciple who is still the leader of one of the American Sri Chinmoy Centers.

He told me that it traumatized him greatly and he never told anyone for over ten years, until 1999 when he finally had the courage to tell his father, who wrote to Sri Chinmoy telling of his son's ordeal.

The reply he and father received from Sri Chinmoy was silence. Guru did not even respond—not even to admonish this"close disciple"of this serious criminal offense which is punishable in the eyes of the law. And because his father is still very much conditioned by the path—he accepted that, convincing himself that Sri Chinmoy took care of it"Inwardly.”

The son told me before this unfortunate incident happened, that he had looked up to that Center Leader, as a role model. But after that experience, it destroyed all the faith he had in the Sri Chinmoy Center, and in the spiritual life.

Another incident occurred with the daughter of a woman, who is still a disciple. Her daughter was only fourteen years old, when she was sexually molested by an adult male disciple. The male disciple had been assigned to tutor the woman's children, with the full approval of Guru. The fourteen year old girl reported the incident to Sri Chinmoy, but was told that she was the one to blame!

There are also incidents of disciple's dying—in an effort to please their Guru. Although I am not saying that Sri Chinmoy is directly to blame for their deaths. One of these incidents occurred many years ago. An eager, enthusiastic disciple, unfortunately drowned while practicing an underwater act, for the Madal Circus, the amateur (and often ridiculous) bi-annual circus that is held in honor of the master. I believe he was only in his twenties.

Another male disciple died, after having a heart attack while running in a one mile race in the bi-annual Sri Chinmoy Masters Games. It was a very hot day, and he collapsed on the track behind me during the one mile race. He was revived by the EMS, but sadly, after spending three weeks in a coma at the local hospital, and contrary to Sri Chinmoy's prediction that he would survive, he finally died. He was only 45 years old.

I also remember working on the promotion for one of the Sri Chinmoy's Peace Concerts, back in 1984, when a relatively new disciple from Boston, caught up in the atmosphere of devotional enthusiasm to please the master, took out a life insurance policy with the Sri Chinmoy Center as the benefactor, then committed suicide by jumping off a Manhattan skyscraper.

Again, I am not blaming Sri Chinmoy for these unfortunate deaths. However, from personal experience, I see how one can easily get caught up in the fanatical pursuit of pleasing the master—which is the whole driving force behind being a good disciple, on Sri Chinmoy's path.

I thought running was a relatively safe activity—but, with Guru ever-encouraging his disciples to"transcend," and without any words of caution, many disciples like myself, started incurring very serious physical problems. Some were even hospitalized, in serious life-threatening conditions, after long distance events, such as the NYC Marathon, where he urges 300-400 disciples to compete, all wearing T-shirts with his name emblazoned. The pressure to compete in the annual NYC Marathon is so great, that even those who do not even train daily, run the 26.2 mile distance just to please him.

I was competing in races sometimes six times per month, and three marathons per year were a minimum. He once said there was no reason why we could not run one marathon per month! He told me and several others, that we had the capacity to run under 2hrs30min within one year. So we all killed ourselves training for the NYC Marathon.

After running the Chicago Marathon (2hr36min) and NYC Marathon (2hr32m) one week apart, trying to beat the deadline of running under 2hr30m, set by my guru,—I had blood in my urine. The following day I came down with a serious flu, and a huge abscess formed on my right leg. After being tested, they found another abscess on my right kidney, and said I was deficient in iron and B vitamins. I still have not been able to afford to have the surgery to remove the abscess on my kidney, which also frequently causes other external smaller abscesses. I have endured this health problem since 1986, since trying to obey my guru, who said I should run under 2hr30min for the marathon.

His prediction for us to run under 2hr30min did not come true, that year. But for that matter many of his predictions also did not come to pass. He predicted to his disciples that he himself would break the world record for 100 meters! He predicted that something bad would happen to former President George Bush, within a certain time after his presidency, he predicted something similar for O.J. Simpson. More recently he predicted that one of his Russian disciples has the capacity to run under 2 hrs for the marathon this year. Only one of his predictions that I know about came true—in 1989 he predicted that the Berlin Wall would come down within 40 years, and it came down a few months later. There are also many other predictions of his that did not come true.

Back in 1969 he watched the first Apollo moon landing on television, with a room-full of his disciples, and remarked that he could see many invisible"moon beings"greeting the astronauts, as they walked on the moon. He told his disciples that if they opened their third eye, like him, they would also see them. That conversation, (like most other esoteric or spiritual) was recorded and printed in a book.

But then earlier this year, after he watched a Fox special on the conspiracy of the first moon landing, he said that the consulted the soul of the moon, and it told him that no astronauts had ever set foot on it's surface. When he was reminded of the paragraph in the book, where he talks about the moon landing, he replied that he was miss-quoted! Hmm?

Now looking from the outside at the group I was involved in for exactly half my life, I am able to see with considerably more clarity. I saw how discipline brought about conflict and mental fragmentation, because one is forcing oneself to oppose oneself. Instead of conformity bringing freedom, it brought me fear and oppression. The repetition of the path, e.g. endless"functions"brought about depression, and a dull and insensitive mind. I became a puppet, a lifeless spectator—always watching the master.

"Manifestation," or actions initiated usually by the guru and for the guru, without any individual self-expression, made me mechanical, dull, and insensitive. Dependence on the guru made me insecure, fearful, and unimpowered. The repetitious, mechanical, and suppressing nature of life on the path, at one stage made me so depressed, that I even considered suicide.

Now I see how any system of belief, such as the Sri Chinmoy Center, really only serves one person—it's creator. The system or organization becomes the all-important reality, at the expense of the individual, who—as I found out—is completely expendable. The path, like a corporation, will continue—with the"love offerings"from the disciples. I came because I wanted to realize God. I did not think I would be deceived.

I suppose the reason for writing this is my expression in my search for Truth. I do not intend to return to the life of ignorance or desire. I feel happy and comfortable in my aloneness—because in it I feel God's presence.

As Christ uttered: "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone," And I know I am far from perfection, but I sincerely strive to be better. I can forgive others, as others, and God have forgiven me. I am not angry, because I have learnt detachment, and I feel I have gained so many rewarding friendships from being in the Sri Chinmoy Center.

It would perhaps be beneficial if Sri Chinmoy read this. He is not an evil person, and I do not believe that he consciously meant to cause psychological harm—but nevertheless it is a reality in some of the people that have been closely connected with him for many years.

Because there are many"ex-disciples"And even present disciples, who are feeling, confused, depressed, angered, and even psychologically damaged. He can help these people, and himself, by revealing the truth. And I am sure eventually he will be forgiven.

Personally I am detached, and do not need his words, but I feel it would help tremendously overall in the healing process.

I just wish truth would prevail, so that others will not remain psychologically traumatized by their experience in the Sri Chinmoy Center. My close friend, whom I knew many years before we became Sri Chinmoy's disciples, sometimes has sudden angry outbursts towards other disciples, during their meditation meetings. He was a more balanced and sincere person before he became a disciple, and never acted so erratically.

Even the woman with the second highest status in the group, often looks tortured, imbalanced and unhappy. And Alo Devi, the woman who frequently sits alongside Sri Chinmoy at functions, often looks like she is sedated—her head bent over in sleep.

But, because essentially we are all one in the struggle of life—in the end, I only have love and forgiveness for everyone, even though I may be labeled"negative"or"hostile," in the eyes of the Sri Chinmoy Center. And if I was deceived—I hope I will be illumined, or forgiven—as the case may be—because, after all, I am only human.

Testimonial of false guru Sri Chinmoy's ex-disciple (Artur Smith)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Sri_Chinmoy_Information/message/24


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